


It Wasn't Enough

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas /Dean, Cas needs love, Confessing Feelings, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Crying Sam Winchester, Dean Needs Love, Dean admits he has feelings finally, Dean-Centric, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode s11e23, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Men of Letters, Men of Letters Bunker, Supernatural - Freeform, dean/cas - Freeform, fixing this shit, fuck you SPN writers, like it fucking should be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the things that should have been said, and the things that should have been done with the Season 11 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Wasn't Enough

**Author's Note:**

> So, like many, as always, I was upset with the finale of Season 11. So this here is my interpretation of what I THINK should have happened in my happy shipper mind. BTW right away, there was no British chick showing up out of NOWHERE, this is how it should have gone if they'd allowed us our Destiel ship. So enjoy and let me know what ya'll think. *hugs*

            As Cas followed Sam down the steps of the bunker he felt his stomach drop, his real stomach, not some manipulation of Lucifer. And his eyes burned, fiercely. He was well aware of all the human emotions he had acquired over the years, and only had them amplified over the course of the last few weeks. And he felt empty. No satisfaction to feeling these things. And Dean. Oh Dean. Dean. He stifled the want, no, the absolute need to lose himself. To cry and wail at the loss of the man that had made him human. He had turned him from ‘winged dick’ to the man Dean should have known now. And when they had embraced, Cas didn’t want to let go, and through his grace he could feel the wonting the need flowing through Dean’s body. The need to stay, the need to confess too many things that Cas was having trouble identifying. It made Cas want to both cry and be happy. A combination of emotions he did not understand.

            “If you need to talk, I’m here,” he murmured, the tone of his voice of course betraying his true intention. He didn’t want to be alone.

            Sam nodded, his always seemingly large eyes were wet and wide, “The world is still here right? I should be grateful…”

            “Sam,” Cas began, “That shouldn’t negate the fact that you miss your brother…neither one of us should think that…I…”

            Sam made a loud sniffling noise that he quickly hit behind one hand, “I know you loved him too…I’d have to be an idiot not to see it.”

            “Sam…”

            “No, it’s bullshit, he’s gone, right? So there’s no reason left to hide,” Sam spat, and then he realized he was crying, his chest heaving painfully and his words were coming out far angrier than he was meaning them to be, “He loved you and you loved him and you two idiots didn’t just get with the program…it’s ridiculous, it’s fucking ridiculous…you could have had a happy life! Fuck, kids and everything, even up until the end you guys deny it, I saw you! I saw you at the cemetery, you didn’t want him to leave and it wasn’t some stupid ‘brother’ thing either! Why didn’t you say anything, maybe he would have stopped! W-Wouldn’t have…wouldn’t have gone…thought of another way!”

            Sam didn’t know he was sobbing as painfully as he was until Cas had both arms around him and holding him close, as awkward as it was, Cas being so much shorter. Barely six feet.

            “Sam,” Cas murmured, holding him as tight as he knew how, “I _did_ love him, more than he’ll ever know, more than he’d be willing to accept. But it’s why I didn’t say what I wanted to say,” he pulled away, to take Sam’s gaze, “He wouldn’t allow it, he wouldn’t admit it, even if cornered. I think I came to accept it as soon as we spoke in the car.”

            “You don’t know that,” Sam cried, “You don’t.”

            “I do,” Cas shuddered, “I would have given anything to be with your brother. But he didn’t seem to see me as anything other than that…a companion…”

            Sammy smirked, tears still perching on his eye lids, “Then you don’t know him as well as I do…he would have…if he’d had the chance.”

            Cas’ heart lurched, “What good does that do me now?” and he hated the sob that snuck up from the recesses of his chest, “He’s gone…he’s gone and I’m…I’ll never know…”

            Their conversation was interrupted by the loud creaking of the bunker door, it was like cutting glass but both men looked up in shock. Neither reaching for weapons.

            “Dean…” Cas croaked, using the center table as leverage to stop from toppling over.

            “Hey, Cas,” Dean smirked, a soft laugh following after, “Bet you didn’t expect to see me huh?’    
            “No,” Cas barely whispered, when he wanted to scream ‘get down here’.

            “So a funny thing happened, God and Amara made up,” Dean nervously chuckled, “And then something else.”

            Sam was already leaping up the iron walk but then stopped when he came face to face with the woman in his sights. He was gaping like a fish, he knew it, and the sad thing was he only knew her from pictures but he still found himself whimpering “Mom…”

            “Sweetie,” Mary spoke.

            “Dean,” Sam croaked, still leaking eyes switching from his brother to his yes, Mom, “Mom…Mom…”

            “I know sweetie; I’m as lost as you are to be honest.”

            Sam knew he should argue further, test, and all that jazz but his arms were around his mother fast than he could fathom. And he was crying, face burrowed in his mother’s shoulder and he could barely breathe.

            Before Dean could speak again Sam’s arms were around him, to the point of almost painful, all Dean did was pat his little brother’s back before doing the usual. Holding back just as firmly, “Hey let’s move this shindig downstairs huh?” Dean gave a huffed laugh, eyes still locked with Cas’.

            The four made it into the main room, Sam and Mary talking very close as if Sam was not willing to let her more than a few inches away from him. “I’ll make some coffee, how bout it…Mom?” it felt strange but then also so right. And Dean knew Cas would follow. As they entered the kitchen Dean stood nervously by the coffee maker, fiddling with the decanter.

            Cas was frozen, looking upon the very alive form of Dean Winchester and was torn with the idea of giving a simple ‘I’m so thankful you’re alive’ or launching himself forward in his arms. He made it halfway.

            He stood inches in front of Dean, blinking rapidly, mouth moving wordlessly, “Dean,”

            “Cas,” Dean whispered, “I didn’t get to talk to you like I wanted. Everything that happened…with Lucifer and…Christ…everything before… _everything_ before,” he shook his head, sighing heavily, “You need a year-long vacation and I should have seen that.”

            “Dean…” Cas trembled, why couldn’t he get past the simple utterance of his name?

            Dean saw it in his eyes, like he did in the cemetery, hell, like he did when he woke up after Lucifer was expelled. The same soulful eyes that burned with grief and terror after the dog attack spell. And then it was pouring out of him, everything he didn’t do, hadn’t done, should’ve done, “I’m sorry Cas, I didn’t get…to say…everything I wanted in the car…at the cemetery,” Dean huffed, “It’s just, everything was happening so fast and it was crazy…but Cas…Christ…your Dad right there and you didn’t get a chance to say anything. I know how hard it was when he was gone and then he’s here and you didn’t get a chance to let him have it. And then me…”

            Cas shuffled nervously, inching even closer, “What about you…”

            “I should…” Dean exhaled roughly, “Cas, there was so much more I wanted to say to you…in case everything went to shit…”

            “Like what?” Cas asked carefully.

            “You’re not a brother to me Cas, you’re more than that…so much more…Christ…been like that for a while now,” Dean made a sound that was too close to a sob, “You’re so much more than that…”

            “Dean what…” Cas murmured.

            Dean’s arms fell to his sides with a slap and a sigh, as if exhausted, “I love you Cas, plain and simple. I love you, and damn the fucking chick flick moments that I tried to avoid… I love you, and if you don’t ya know feel like that it’s fine…I mean all the shit I’ve put you through...”

            “Dean,” Cas found himself shaking, head to toe, “I love you too.”

            Dean’s bottle green eyes went wide for a long second, as if in shock. Before Dean could even calculate what was happening he was crossing the space and colliding with Cas, lips meshing together so perfectly it was pure sin. Without thought Dean pressed him against the wall with a loud thud, the dishes on the shelves rattling, “Cas,” he whispered into the angel’s open now panting mouth, tongue dipping perfectly, “I’m sorry…”

            Cas wrenched him forward by the lapels of his jacket, silencing any more words of apology. The last few weeks, for only a moment, washing away with Dean’s warm, eager mouth, “I know,” he spoke hushed, diving in again, and they would deal with this later, he knew. But for now all he wanted to do was bask in the knowledge that Dean loved him, they loved each other. And he was alive. Alive. How in his Father’s name that had happened he didn’t know. But he was here. Warm, soft, freckled skin, and his.

            Cas kissed him breathless, that was as honest as a definition Dean could gather, because then Cas was moving away, just enough for Dean to gasp. His chest heaving with a dizzying amount of emotions.

            “So my Mom is alive…and you love me…” Dean huffed against Cas’ lips, “Now I’m startin’ to think I did die after all.”

            Cas smiled, very small and minute in a way that made the corners of his eyes crinkle, “I thought I had lost you…for good…and I-I was so angry that I could have done so without…saying what I really thought. Or you as well for that matter.”

            Dean took both of Cas’ hands and brought them to his lips, kissing both sets of knuckles, “I know, but when have you ever known me to be honest with myself? Even at the cost of other people’s feelings…”

            Cas shook his head, exhaling roughly, “I do hope this is a trend you can leave behind…it shouldn’t take an apocalypse, or two, to tell me how you feel.”

            “Noted,” Dean grinned, pulling Cas close again into a tight embrace, one arm secured around his waist, the other around the back of his shoulders. Burying his nose in Cas’ dark hair he took the first full breath he’d taken in years, “I guess I should make coffee…”

            Cas drew him back in for another kiss, only gentle tongue, nearly chaste in its delivery, “We’ll continue this later once your mother is settled.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

            As they re-entered the room, Sam locked eyes with Cas and noticed the immediate change of his features. The only word that came to mind was ‘flushed’. And neither his brother or the angel had broken eye contact, and they seem a little too breathless for his taste. He smiled, and refrained the need to laugh aloud. Finally, was his last thought on the matter.

            Coffee soon enough was switched out with drinks after hour two passed

            “So, am I understanding this right?” Mary began, “You’re an angel? A real angel?”

            Cas nodded, “That is correct.”

            “And you rescued my son from hell?”

            “That is also correct, ma’am,” Cas answered casually, as she didn’t seem to be disturbed by the mass amount of unorthodox confessions they had discussed this evening.

            Mary was nodding, biting at the corner of her mouth as Dean was wont to do, she leaned forward, elbows on the table eyes going from Dean’s face to Cas’ “One more thing.”

            “Anything,” Cas replied.

            A small smile graced her face, eyes narrowing slightly, “How long have you two been together?”

            Dean’s hear bounced, yes, he had told Cas, that was one thing, but now he felt Sam’s and his Mom’s burning into him, “What?”

            “For God sake Dean,” Sam laughed, “If Mom can see it in the short time of two hours you know you got it bad. I’ve known for years now. And I saw that you finally admitted it the minute you stepped out of that kitchen.”

            Dean could feel the heat in his cheeks and he tried desperately to control it to no avail, “Shut it…”

            “I told you! Jesus, finally, I’m so sick of the across the room looks you guys give, it’s ridiculous, it’s painful.” Sam chuckled shaking his head and sipping his beer.

            “I said shut it!” Dean growled, “Yes, we had ‘the talk’ are you happy now?”

            “Very,” Sam grinned triumphantly.

            Mary was smiling a nearly identical smile, “I think he’s incredibly sweet and it’s as plain as day really.”

            Dean’s cheeks continued to flame but almost against his will he took Cas’ hand beneath the table, “Yeah, he’s sweet when he wants to be.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

            It was nearing four in the morning when they all finally decided sleep was needed, Sam and Mary gave their ‘goodnights’ Sam said he’d make up their mom a room next door to his own. So Cas and Dean found themselves somewhat awkwardly standing in the hallway, just outside of Dean’s room.

            Dean knew he was shuffling his feet, hand in his pockets, “So…I-I can make you up a room too…you’ve always had one here, but of course I’m a fuck up and didn’t really address that like I should of because…well…I’m me…” he trailed off, words losing strength as Cas moved forward, all five fingertips of his hand pressed to his chest, pushing, and his impossibly blue eyes burning with something Dean couldn’t pinpoint.

            Cas didn’t allow anymore words to pass Dean’s lips as he joined their mouths, shutting the door behind him, near slamming it. He urged Dean back one careful step at a time until the backs of Dean’s knees hit the bed and he fell to the mattress with an audible ‘oof’.

            In a heartbeat he had a lap full of angel, tugging at his clothes, pulling away the flannel and in one swift moment, snagged the hem of Dean’s shirt and yanked the cloth up and over his head.

            “Cas,” Dean moaned, yes moaned, when Cas’ perfect lips were latched onto the spot behind his ear, long, skilled fingers snaking up his back, gripping his flesh with blunt nails.

            “You have absolutely no idea how long I have wanted to do this, kiss every inch of you, claim you as my own,” Cas purred against his ear before sucking it between his teeth.

            “Jesus Cas, clothes, now, naked,” Dean panted, pulling at the trench coat and tossing it to the floor, “New rule, no more layers, got it? I would love to see you in my clothes instead.”

            Chills raced across Cas’ skin in one solid wave, “Yes, Dean,” he seemed to be just as breathless despite his celestial existence, it was in that moment that Dean lifted him snugger on his lap, hurriedly unbuttoning the dark blue suit jacket, and soon enough the stark white shirt, articles of clothing forming a pile on the floor.

            Dean drank in the near naked form of his angel, he’d never seen Cas even remotely ‘naked’, not once, he took his moment and flipped positions, pressing Cas’ back to the bed, pinning his arms above his head. And to his surprise Cas allowed it.

            “Dean…” Cas huffed, eyes lust blown.

            “I gotcha babe, breathe,” Dean started with a kiss, lingering there lapping at his full chapped, pink lips and caressing his tongue. When Cas whimpered, Dean smiled. He made a slow torturous trail of wet, open mouthed kisses along his throat. Pausing at certain times to apply pressure, to suck, to nip as he worked his way down to the heaving chest below him, “Look at that, you have a freckle, one beautiful little freckle.” Dean smirked before taking that dark nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, adding teeth to it ever so gently, careful bites and soothed with kisses.

            When Dean switched to the other nipple Cas bucked and cried out, he had for all intents and purposes had in mind to take Dean to bed, to claim him, but here this human was claiming him quite easily. He was the all-powerful being after all. But relinquishing power like this, there was something exotic about it. He loved it.

            “Breathe sweetheart,” Dean chuckled, “We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff.”

            “Good stuff…” Cas breathed, he wasn’t exactly knowledgeable in this area, not given his one sexual experience that was anything that was completely voluntary. He growled against the memory and as soon as it entered his mind, he felt Dean’s lips on his abdomen and his mind melted.

            “Yeah, good stuff,” Dean kissed down his sternum, very slowly, tracing his nose around Cas’ navel. He open-mouthed kissed his bellybutton and snuck his tongue inside, swirling only slightly because Cas arched his hips once more and hissed with something that was too close to laughter, “Oh, I am remembering that,” Dean laughed against the quivering flesh, kissing there once more.

            “What…” Cas started, but lost his use of words when Dean’s tongue snuck beneath the edge of his pants.

            “A ticklish angel, who knew,” Dean looked up across the expanse of Cas’ chest, his hands were already working on the belt, snapping the one button free and then the zipper, “Lift up babe,” he shimmied his pants down until they were joining the clothes on the floor. He went down with the pants, kissing up Cas’ legs, lingering to the insides of his thighs, slowing his mouth and tracked his way back until he was kissing the obvious arousal behind said boxers, “God you’re beautiful Cas, has anyone ever told you that?”

            “No, not exactly,” Cas whimpered when Dean actually pressed lips to his clothed length.

            “I’m the only one, and I hope I’m the only one,” Dean murmured, kissing more firmly along the sharp valley of his hips.

            “Only you Dean,” Cas felt his eyes roll back in his head.

            “I love these hips, perfect,” he punctuated with kisses, “This stomach,” kiss “this chest, these,” he licked both nipples with emphasis, “This throat,” he suckled his pulse point, staying there for as long as Cas’ writhing body allowed, his voice softened, “These lips,” kiss, “these cheeks,” kiss, “These eyes,” one kiss for each eyelid, “These ears,” like he’d done before he sucked the tender lobe between his teeth and in the same moment, snuck his hand past the edge of Cas’ boxers.

            Cas cried out with the sudden and needed touch, “I want both of us…not just me…naked now,” for once Dean took the order without question and before Cas could register it all he could sense was flesh. He gasped loudly when he felt Dean’s length against his own, both gripped firmly in Dean’s hand. He more or less attempted to reach down but Dean once more caught both wrists.

            “Uh uh,” Dean hummed against the soft flesh of his pulse point, “I got you,” with that he swirled a thumb over the bundle of nerves, taking immediate notice of the beads of precum which helped with the process as he teased the slit, “Let go, with me, let go, come on sweetheart, come for me,” he delivered easy strokes with his closed fist, one inch up and down in short intervals.

            “Dean!” Cas cried out, instinctively arching his back and pressing their hips together nearly knocking Dean off target, his gripping hands all together. But he could hardly take notice as they were kissing once more, with deep, gasping breaths. All at once his vision went hazy and Dean was crying out too as they pressed together like lost puzzle pieces as they both climaxed. It was over all too quickly and Dean was near resting on his heaving chest, face buried in the nape of his neck.

            “Cas… you okay?” Dean took a breath, finally lifting his head away his shoulder and kissing the lax mouth beneath him.

            “Better than,” Cas chuckled.

            Dean rarely heard Cas laugh so he was smiling ridiculously wide, he knew it, “Good,” he traced his nose around Cas’ before kissing him again, lazy and slow like, “How about we clean up and go to bed?”

            “Yes, I would like that…” Cas breathed, given his emotional state over the last few days he knew he would sleep.

            Dean returned with a damp cloth and cleaned them both up. “Remember what we said about my clothes, starts now,” he winked, handing sweatpants and an old band shirt. He crossed the room and turned on a small fan and turned off the lights, besides the small nightlight behind the door.

            Cas took the articles and slipped them on as Dean turned the bed down, “Come on angel, let’s get some sleep, I know when your mojo is low you need it. I can practically feel it.”

            “Really?” Cas said, brow wrinkling.

            “Of course I notice, come on,” his arms out wide.

            Cas crawled across the bed and curled against Dean’s chest, huffing a breath of contentment as Dean’s fingers were carding through his hair with ease and scratched his scalp with careful wiggles of his nails. Strong arms encircled him and he felt safer than he believed he ever had. Even in heaven surrounded by powerful beings.

            “Got the whole future in front of us Cas,” Dean whispered, holding him tighter, kissing the crown of his head, the dark mop he loved, inhaling deeply the scent that was purely Cas.

            “Yes,” Cas craned his head up, allowing Dean to lean down and deliver a kiss, “We do.”

           

             

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Pretty please with angel food cake on top?!


End file.
